Change. It happens when things are left alone. But sometimes we make decisions that are sure to provide more of it.
I made a decision just 4 years ago. I wanted to pursue a new career. More than a career - I wanted to pursue a now clear calling that my mind had stopped me from seeing years ago in order to comply with what I felt my environment wanted from me. My current environment was not having it either. But I was too strong to let it stop me this time. Call it civil disobedience, call it what you will... I did it. I pushed forward and nothing was stopping me. I found that my environment adapted and even began to support me. And what I'm left with is 3 years of filling myself with knowledge and experience and increased desire to help people in a way I couldn't before. I am energized at the end of the day when I do help people, instead of being zapped of energy in my previous career which was intellectually exciting but lacking in personal fulfillment. I am so privileged to have had this opportunity. The rest of my life's work is still yet to be determined as I take my degree and add to this great knowledge and experience while leaning always on the wisdom and strength of God.
With this is another decision made by our family. And again WE faced an environment that was / is clearly not in agreement with us. When I speak of environment, I mean a particular one which means the most to us, even though other (often accepting) environments still mean a LOT to us and have been a huge support! But I have to remember that those who truly love us will adapt and begin to support. Because they love us and that's what love does. True love is given freely and not conditionally. And yet we push forward with some hesitation. Clear with our decision but not without difficulty and a sense of loss. What keeps us moving forward is what we believe we will gain: what is important to our family... to have more time together, to enjoy our world more freely, to stay healthy for a larger portion of the year, to have more access to outdoor life, to have the best education for our kids without a lot of stress, to live in a culturally, economically, and socially thriving community, to use our resources more productively, to access greater natural beauty daily, to build stronger relationships with our loved ones.
Despite best efforts to wait until we were ready to tell close family friends, our news leaked out. For the first time, without one of these friends asking me because they found out another way but because it did leak out, I am announcing that we are moving. No, not everything is in place, and this is why we wanted to wait to share the news! Yes, I am terrified at times. But the ball is in motion and we are now operating on faith that it WILL all fall into place.
So we keep moving forward. I am determined to finish my MSW in a strong fashion, giving my best to my internship and my last papers and final exams. I try to have faith that my husband will find a job. The more I think things will be stressful, the more they are. So I'm trying to take it one day at a time and diffuse the stress. I'm enjoying my family as much as possible and keeping up with housework as best as I can while continuing to sift through, and organize or purge our belongings.
As we slowly rifle through our things, we are met with many reminders of the past. We learn what we are now willing to shed and what we are not. We remember that the important reminders of the past lie in our hearts, not in our attic.
And here and there we are met with a worldly "treasure"... that we try to sell on Ebay... (I kept this for 20 years??)